We’ve all heard it a million times before. You see two boys in a fit of rage, clawing or punching each other, both crying and hating one another, and their parents casually respond with a laugh, saying, “Boys will be boys, you know!” Or perhaps you get together with a few families and watch as the boys terrorize the girls in the room, being far too rough with them and making them hide away or sob —but never fear. You’re told just to remember that this is quite alright because, after all, they’re boys! It’s one thing if a girl were to show such violence towards other girls, that we could feel embarrassed about or address more firmly, but when a boy does the same thing, it’s really just understandable, and nothing more could be expected. Boys are not only often allowed to act in terrible ways, but they’re told that’s part of what it means to be a boy. Boys ought to fight, which is to say that they ought to allow hatred to well up in them so that it overflows into violence. They will ignore their mom, for example, and that’s ok because it’s normal for a boy to do what they want anyway. They will destroy things on purpose and overall act like animals. Why? They are boys. Boys cannot help but give full vent to their sinful nature. Therefore, parents ought to make light of this and accept it. It is their natural state of being, and why should we try to change that?
The truth is that boys and girls are indeed different. They generally have different inclinations, they may be drawn towards different types of physical activities, they can have different energy levels (in general, but not always), and they do think differently. But does this mean boys can’t and shouldn’t learn how to behave or that they are somehow at a greater disadvantage in controlling their sinful natures? Of course not, and as Christians, we understand this because we have the Scripture, which shows us that both genders are on an equal playing field in this matter. We are all instructed to practice self-control. We are all told to consider others above ourselves. We are all told to be respectful. We are all commanded to address our sinful inclinations and desires. We are all told to turn the other cheek if someone strikes us. This includes boys.
Dr. Phil once said, “We are not raising children, we are raising adults.” What he meant by this is that the child you are raising now will grow and develop in the way you are raising them. Just as a tree that has been growing crooked for many years does not straighten itself out overnight, so too your child will not change course one random morning from the path they are currently on.
They will not wake up on their 18th birthday and go from following every evil inclination and desire of their sinful heart –from raging around because they “are just boys”—to being self-controlled, God-fearing, and respectful. They will not get married and suddenly, magically, become gentle and selfless towards their spouse. The reality is that they will become a more developed, stronger version of what you are encouraging in them now.
Parents of boys: you are raising men. You are shaping the individuals who will (or should) be leaders in their families—leaders towards good—leaders toward God. This means boys should be raised very carefully by their parents. They should be guided toward a solid understanding and foundation of God’s Word, and their parents should take great pains to instill in them Christian virtue. Not when they turn 18, not once they get married, but now.
