A wise and seasoned pastor once told my husband that he should focus on quantity time with his family, not on quality time. Many people try to build their relationships and draw closer to others through special activities, but he said the best way to build a relationship is simply by spending time with the person. For some reason, hearing this was a jolt to my system. I found myself balking at the idea. First of all, no one says that! Quality time has always been what people say is most important! Special activities are the best way to build close connections! Separate time alone is what is needed to draw closer to someone! The fact that we never have enough quality time in our family is irrelevant. It’s what we need. That’s the way to draw us closer together. That’s the only option we have.
My husband, on the other hand, took this advice immediately to heart. He started doing everything with us, no matter how small or trivial. Not annoyingly following us around, but simply being present in our lives, whether it was running quick errands together or helping me in the kitchen. He stayed close to us. Even when he had work to do on the computer, he would hang out with me while doing it. He still went to work every day, but when he was at home, we were together. Over time, I realized how incredibly right that pastor was. I found myself drawing even closer to my husband and felt grateful for what seemed like a new relationship because he was much more present than before. Every time a simple task turned into a little time together, even if it was interrupted or filled with “to-dos,” I felt it as a gift. It did wonders for my soul.
The claim isn’t that quality time doesn’t matter, but as a busy parent of five, I can definitely attest that when you realize the everyday and routine parts of life can provide moments of connection and times for mental and marital renewal, well, that’s worth its weight in gold! Just being together makes a world of difference!
I have been reflecting on the balance between quality and quantity time when it comes to my children. I’ve struggled with the idea that the amount of time I spend with them matters even more than the special activities or experiences I provide them. I know it’s true, but the concept is not one I naturally want to accept. My kids want my presence; they want to interact with me. Meanwhile, I often prefer to find a specific activity to count as time spent with them, so I can focus on what I’d like to do and my own interests the rest of the time (my sinful nature rearing its ugly head!). Although this is natural, I know that quantity time does matter. I continue to work on simply being present for my kids during the everyday moments of life. Time together is meaningful just because we are together. It builds us up as a family and strengthens our connections. I am so grateful for that pastor and his unconventional wisdom!
