Having a baby should transform your life. It should radically shift your priorities. Your daily routine should completely change, and you should find yourself dedicating your time and energy to a new and meaningful pursuit, namely, raising your child. This is not just “a new chapter” in your life, like a continuation of the same storyline centered around you as the main character. Where you get what you want, fulfill yourself when and how you want, and do everything you did before because…well, you want to. This is a new story. This is someone else’s story that has started with you. This is a calling. This is a calling to die to yourself. This is a life-transforming, priority-shifting, meaning-changing, lifelong sacrifice you have been called to for one specific person, namely, your child.
Many people treat raising a child as just another task to squeeze into their busy routine, adding it alongside everything else they want to do. Are you a mom with a demanding, more-than-full-time job? That’s okay; the kid can fit into the spare time you had before getting pregnant. Not a big deal. “They’ll adjust.” Of course, “adjusting” simply means that the little child has to endure it, even though every part of them screams initially, because they weren’t made for this. They weren’t meant to be separated from their parent at a young age, and they instinctively know they need their parent to be present. They crave their parents’ care, attention, discipline, and focus during these most formative years.
I’ve heard a mother boast that nothing in her life changed after she had her child. She did everything she wanted to do when she wanted to do it, and the kid had to tag along. To her, this was virtuous because in our society, this kind of selfishness is seen as a sign of strength. You are a better parent because you’re fulfilling yourself first. You are a good mother because you prioritize your happiness, which, you are assured, will make your child happy. Do you see how this works? Please yourself, and surely, that will make others happy too. But this isn’t actually true in any demonstrable way, as society shows by producing the most depressed generation in history under this philosophy and seeing more children turn away from faith before even leaving their homes. Yet, you must ignore reality. Let’s go back to society’s tempting words: how could you be happy and fulfilled if you gave up your life for someone else? You’ll be miserable. You’ll be depressed. You might take it out on your kid, and won’t be able to control yourself or help it. You could face financial struggles and have to live differently. You have no control if your desires are taken away. You’d become evil if you weren’t allowed to do what you want and have what you want, and that would hurt your child. So, put yourself first, and everything will turn out just fine.
Being given a child from God is not the same as getting a cat or a dog. You play with the pet when you have time, talk to it a little, and that’s it. You don’t just bring a child into your life and move on like that. You have now been called to a new purpose in Christian parenting. This change forever transforms your entire life.
Imagine a man who is called to become a pastor. When he accepts this calling, does his life stay essentially the same? No, of course not! Everything in his life changes—his priorities, how he spends his time, his actions, even his thoughts—and often his location changes too. Why? Because he has been called. A call from God radically transforms your life into something new.
Similarly, when God gives you a child, you are called to become a parent. A parent is not just someone who clothes and feeds a child—God promises he will handle that part. He will provide for you, so you can provide for your child. He says not to worry about that. Therefore, your primary purpose in being given a child, made in his image, is not just about physical needs. No, you are called to parent toward the kingdom. You are called to raise your child in the Lord and according to his way. That is your mission. That is your life-transforming goal. You no longer live solely for yourself but for another. You have been given a cross, it’s true, but you pick it up for the dearest human being on the planet. The most precious life you’ve ever known depends on you to do so. We pick it up joyfully then, and follow the Lord.
