Pornography is one of the darkest, most widespread toxins available on the market today. It has been compared to cocaine for its effects on the brain, flooding the reward system with dopamine, causing an overwhelming feeling of being high. The resulting addiction has led to the destruction of countless marriages.
There is a profound sense of betrayal that spouses feel when they find out about their partner’s pornography use. Often, spouses don’t discover the issue until years have passed, during which time their partner has had numerous affairs with countless people online, whether they have spoken a word to them or not.
They have lusted after these individuals in their hearts, seen their naked bodies, and desired to be with them intimately hundreds, if not thousands, of times.
The standard of adultery that Christians must use is Jesus’ standard. Jesus clearly taught that looking at a woman to lust after her is committing adultery.[1] The result of adultery? Proverbs tells us: “But a man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself.”[2]
If you have this addiction and your spouse hasn’t discovered it yet, the chances are they will someday. But for now, the devil invites you to hide your sin for a price. Pornography within marriage corrupts the hearts of both the user and their spouse, dividing the two who have become one flesh, putting animosity, distrust, and hatred between them, often before the addiction is even discovered. The porn user is burdened with the need to keep a constant secret, which affects their mood and changes the relationship’s dynamic. Meanwhile, the spouse can often sense that something is wrong, leading to feelings of disconnection and, at times, even anger. Seeds of discord get sown, and those grow over time.
The devil won’t mind helping you hide your sins for a while. He doesn’t mind watching you poison yourself and harm your marriage. In fact, he greatly enjoys it. His goal is your destruction, and if you’re happy doing that all by yourself, he’s delighted to play the role of a gentle whisperer. He’ll just stand by and softly speak in your ear what you want to hear: “What’s the harm? Did God really say you shouldn’t do this? This is fine. Nobody needs to know. This is just part of normal life. I’ll bet your spouse is to blame anyway.”
Regardless of when this sin gets exposed while on earth, the Bible says, “There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be known.”[3] So it will be revealed at some point. And for now, it should be enough that God sees what you are doing. God knows all about it. He is with you in the dark.
“Do not be deceived, God cannot be mocked.”[4] You mock Him by professing to be His child, taking His body and blood every Sunday, and yet actively living in sin if you watch porn.
Addiction is idolatry, pornography within marriage is adultery, and God will not only pursue you to repentance, but He will surely discipline you if you refuse to discipline yourself.
Reality is that sin inflicts wounds every time we engage with it. We always wound ourselves through it, but sometimes we also wound others. Wounds are painful and require healing, and that does not mean only spiritual healing. Sometimes, there is a real-world healing that is necessary because of your sin. The sexual sin of pornography can take years or even a lifetime to heal in both your heart and in your spouse’s heart, and that should open your eyes to how serious this type of sin is.
The devil knows this and ensures that the temptation to return to this addiction stays ever at the door.
You don’t even need to go out of your way to find sexual images these days. So-called “soft porn” seems to be everywhere. Walk into your local mall or retail store, and you’ll see pictures of half-naked women, retouched and edited to lure your thoughts as deeply as possible into sin. Turn on your TV, and sensual ads will pop up, imprinting your mind with images that inflame your thoughts and desires.
It is considered commonplace by today’s inverted society, and many Christians mindlessly accept it into their lives because of that. They tell you not to bother with the topic. What’s the point of not just accepting it if everyone else does?
Their attitude proves true the verse that says, “Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality…”[5]
Studies show that 66% of men and 41% of women admit to consuming porn on a monthly basis,[6] and an estimated 50% of all Internet traffic is related to sex.[7]
80% of men have watched porn in the last year. That means 8 out of every 10 men you see on the street have watched porn in the last year.
Some studies suggest that 50-60% of divorces are caused by pornography use. People in the Red Pill movement like to tout the fact that women often initiate divorce, using this as supposed evidence that women are to blame for the high rate of divorce in this country.
However, with so many men watching pornography, presumably many of them being married and therefore committing adultery, is it any wonder that women are typically the ones filing for divorce?
The American Sociological Association published research showing that couples who were “very happy” in their marriage before porn usage had a four times greater chance of divorcing by the next survey period after porn was introduced into their relationship.[8]
Children are also being exposed to porn, and at increasingly younger ages, typically between 9 and 13 years old. “By their teen years, most youth have been exposed to internet porn in some form, with 93% of teen boys and 62% of teen girls reporting internet porn exposure.”[9]
What happens to people when they view porn? Pornography is well documented to cause erectile dysfunction, emotional distancing, lower satisfaction with your partner, objectification of women, social isolation, and reduced ability to interact in social situations.
It also causes mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.
In 2014, a study was published finding that heavy porn usage “significantly reduced activity in critical areas of the brain responsible for motivation and impulse control, suggesting long-term neurological rewiring.”[10] Porn has been found to correlate with lower gray matter volume. Gray matter “plays a significant role in mental functions, memory, emotions, and movement.”[11] Basically, porn makes you stupid, dull, and apathetic, on top of all the other havoc it wrecks on your life.
What else does God need to present you with to get you to take this seriously?
You have been set free from sin, and you were bought at a price, “therefore glorify God with your bodies.”[12]
[1] Matt 5:28
[2] Proverbs 6:32
[3] Luke 12:2
[4] Galations 6:7
[5] Ephesians 4:19
[6] https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/fullarticle/1874574
[7] https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/fullarticle/1874574
[8] https://www.asanet.org/beginning-pornography-use-associated-increase-probability-divorce/
[9] https://www.addictionhelp.com/porn/statistics/
[10] https://manhattanmentalhealthcounseling.com/the-hidden-cost-of-pornography-how-it-shapes-your-brain-and-behavior/
[11] https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/body/24831-grey-matter
[12] 1 Corinthians 6:20 and “Do not let any part of your body become an instrument of evil to serve sin. Instead, give yourself to God, and offer all your parts to him as instruments to be used for doing good.”- Romans 6:13
