You can be equal in worth to someone without being the same as them. This happens all the time, in ways we don’t even notice, and we accept it as a normal part of life. But for some reason, people take issue with the idea the moment they hear Christians talk about it. The clear and natural reality observed in everyday life morphs into something discriminatory, and this infuriates women, especially. The claim goes: You are being subjugated. You are being forced into a position beneath a man, which is demeaning. Saying women are not the same as men but are equal to them is seen as a form of suppression and misogyny.
Analogies can be helpful, albeit imperfect, ways of understanding concepts sometimes. We’ll use one here. Imagine you visit the vet. You walk in and see a Chihuahua, a Rottweiler, a tiny Pomeranian, and a German Shepherd. Would you say all those dogs are the same? No, of course not. The German Shepherd is much more powerful than the Chihuahua, and the Rottweiler could eat the Pomeranian as a snack.
They are equal in worth and value to their owners, and they all belong to the canine family, but they are not the same. They are used for different purposes and are best suited for different tasks. The Rottweiler, for instance, is much better to have around if your house gets broken into than a Pomeranian. However, a Rottweiler is not suitable if you live in a tiny apartment and want a lap dog.
Clearly, dogs are designed for different purposes and can fulfill various roles and needs.
The same holds true for men and women. God created them with equal worth and value, but their abilities and roles are different. These natural differences, when understood and used correctly, lead to harmony. Women complement what men lack, and men complement what women lack.
The distinction in roles stems from the fact that our God is a God of order. For there to be order when people work together, like in marriage, roles must be clearly defined. We see this in all types of work situations. For example, you can’t have two executive chefs in the kitchen. A sous chef is second in command and works under the executive chef. Is this because the sous chef doesn’t matter and is a slave to the executive chef? Of course not. You’re free to see it that way if you choose, but the truth is that the only way to run something effectively is to have one person who makes the final decisions and takes the final responsibility.
Someone might ask, “What if the executive chef abuses the sous chef, treating them poorly and wielding control and power over them?” In that case, would you consider the chef himself the problem, or would you say the chain of command is the problem?
Most people would say the problem is the chef. He needs to change his behavior to become a good and effective leader. He is not acting as he should. Few would conclude, instead, that having a leader in the kitchen is the problem.
The obvious answer is for the chef to change his behavior. The answer is not to allow everyone in the kitchen to lead themselves, as that would result in chaos.
The same is true in marriage.
It seems to me that the problem people have with the order of creation is when they see abuse within the God-ordained natural order of things, like when men misuse their headship to dominate and crush their wives’ desires and opinions. We’ve all met men like this. They seek control and put their own desires at the center of their family. Nothing is more despicable than these kinds of men. They are selfish, arrogant, and heartless. People rightly see this as a problem.
This, however, is also discussed in Scripture. The Lord has said that husbands are to give themselves up for their wives, as Christ did for the church.[1] They are to sacrifice everything for their wives. If a husband obeys the Lord’s commands, then his leadership will be one of sacrificial service. He bears a great responsibility to serve his wife and to give up all his desires for her good, just as Christ did for the church. Women, you should not envy that burden, but rather be thankful it has not been given to you!
We should expect society, which inverses everything good and godly, to twist this into something vile, and it does. Society particularly encourages women to rebel against God’s design. God told Eve in Genesis:
“Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”[2]
The Hebrew word for “desire” here is Teshuqah (תְּשׁוּקָה), and it has been interpreted to mean longing, or an urge to dominate or overcome. It is used again in Genesis 4:7 when Cain is warned by God, “But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.
Since the Fall, women have been vying for men’s positions as leaders in the home and the church. This is one reason the apostles took the time to write about this topic. They understood that people would struggle with the concept of gender roles until Christ’s return.
Men and women are placed on earth to fulfill different roles, yet their value is equal. How do we know this? God tells us in Scripture.
Men and Women have Different Roles:
1 Corinthians 11:3
“But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.”
Ephesians 5:22-24
“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
1 Peter 3:1-7
“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, …”
Titus 2:3-5
“Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.”
1 Corinthians 11:7-9
“A man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but woman is the glory of man. For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.It is for this reason that a woman ought to have authority over her own head, because of the angels.”
“The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him.’”
Eve was created as a helper.
1 Timothy 2:11-15
“Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. Yet she will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control.”
Colossians 3:18-19
“Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”
Men and Women are Equal in Value and Worth:
Genesis 1:27
“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.”
1 Corinthians 11:11-12
“Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God.”
Galatians 3:28
“There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”
Romans 3:22-24
“There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”
Romans 2:11
“For God shows no partiality.”
Acts 10:34
“Then Peter began to speak: “I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism”
Genesis 2:22-24
“And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
I understand why some women become very defensive about the idea of headship. I was that way myself many years ago. I had grown angry at the church for what I thought was its view of women. It took a caring pastor willing to sit with me and explain what God has said in the Bible to open my eyes. I had been told—not by Christians but by society—that God wanted me to be subjugated to men. I believed that Christianity meant accepting male tyranny. I rebelled heavily against that, and frankly, it made me bitter against God.
But once I read what God actually said about men and women, their roles and purposes, I was comforted by the equality and love clearly spoken about for both genders. What I had been told was a lie. God did not view me as less than a man, but different from one.
I got to hear about a plan and purpose for women so incomprehensible to secular understanding, so beautiful in its reality, that my heart softened toward the Lord. I discovered in His word that He loves and values me, and that His order of creation is for my good, and the good of all women. I can find peace in my role, a peace I didn’t have when I was trying to prove how I was no different from men. We are all created for a divine purpose, unique to our gender, and we can rest confidently in that. We have nothing to prove. We are loved.
[1] Ephesians 5:25
[2] Genesis 3:16
