“Don’t rush to give a consequence for your teen when they do something wrong. Let the natural consequences work.” -So saith the modern world.
I was in the car this afternoon, listening to a Christian radio station, when a man’s voice came on with a message for parents. The message was about teenagers and how they’re bound to do irresponsible things because… well, they are irresponsible. Profound statement, indeed. He went on to say that instead of imposing consequences on your teenager, you ought to let the natural consequences of their actions be sufficient. He gave an example of a teenager who plays video games for hours when they should be studying for a big test.
I would like to pause here, before going further into what was said, to address a quick question that a more astute person might ask at this point: Why would a parent allow their child to play video games instead of studying for a major test? Great question. Perhaps they’re oblivious. Perhaps they’re working. Perhaps they’re on their own phones. Perhaps they’re scared of a fight. Who knows. But for the sake of the story, we have to go along with the parent allowing the problem in the first place.
So, when the child fails that important test because they should have studied but were glued to a video game, you are to let that result be their consequence. It’s so simple! Real life to the rescue, right? PHEW. Problem SOLVED.
This is modern American parenting to a “t.” Don’t actually DO anything as a parent. Don’t be a parent, in other words. Don’t instruct, don’t guide, and DEFINITELY don’t discipline your child, which is your God-given responsibility. No, no, that is archaic! The truly successful way to parent a foolish child is to sit back, let them do what they want, and watch as they naturally come to a complete understanding of the consequences of their actions and reform their ways all on their own!
I would recommend taking a look at all those kids being raised this way and turning from their foolish ways, but I’d be waiting all day while you tried to find even one.
This philosophy of parenting assumes that the foolishness bound up in a child’s heart simply melts away under real-life experiences.
So a child who fails a major test in school because they played too many video games will get that test back and, as they hold it in their hands in utter shame, realize, “Oh my heavens! I failed this test because I played video games! I can’t believe I played video games instead of studying! I can’t do that again. I might fail this course if I continue on this path, and maybe even other courses. The result might be that I don’t get into college and develop long-term bad habits for myself! I’ve been wasting my time. Golly, I’m so glad I realized that! Now that it’s all clear to me how this will affect my future, I won’t do that again. I shall study hard from now on! No more hours of mindless video games for me!”
The reality is that parents wouldn’t be needed if all they were here for was to feed and clothe their children. God feeds and clothes people. We know that from the New and Old Testament. He could raise up a stone to handle those gifts. The government could even do that. Anyone can do that. He gave parents a special role as instructors, protectors, disciplinarians, and guides to their children, and instilled in them a deep love that motivates them to diligently watch over them, ensuring they walk in the way of the Lord.
That innate love serves as a type of fuel, continually propelling godly parents toward their duties.
And they have many duties toward their children.
They must be on the lookout for anything that might harm them (whether it’s poor choices their children want to make or bad habits those children are looking to form), and parents must use their time and energy to help their children grow in wisdom and virtue. This takes effort on their part.
It also requires responding to irresponsible behavior, poor choices, and bad desires. Parents must love their children well. And love does not sit back while the beloved unknowingly hurts themselves. Love always protects, always perseveres. Love never fails.[1]
[1] 1 Cor. 13:7-8
