The last several generations of children have been raised on a heavy diet of Disney movies.
When my parents were young, the films were Snow White and Sleeping Beauty. When I was little, it was the era of Aladdin and Beauty and the Beast. I remember seeing the teeny-tiny waists of the women, noticing they were well-developed in the chest (Disney drew the characters to make that a focal point), and realizing that they were exceptionally beautiful, effortless, and graceful. They had huge, gorgeous eyes and perfect hair that flowed just right. It didn’t take long for me to wish I could be like them, even to imagine I was them. It was utterly bewitching to watch them go about their lives, minding their own business, while a handsome, kind man fell madly in love with them. This became my goal. I wanted to be just as thin, act as carefree, be just as beautiful, and I thought that if I could achieve that, I would win a handsome boy’s heart and find true happiness. I figured I wouldn’t have to do anything—nothing except look perfect—and he would do everything, always be captivated by me.
The problem was that I couldn’t achieve that look. I wasn’t a natural beauty. I could never get skinny enough. I had fat on my thighs, was small-chested, and was self-conscious about every part of my body. My hair never looked pretty, and my clothes never flattered just right. I wasn’t graceful, I wasn’t effortless. I was shy and awkward.
I kept that subconscious goal for a man for years. I didn’t understand the origin of my desire, but I knew it was there. I wanted someone to love me without any effort on my part. I wanted him to love me without even having a basis to love me. Unless that happened, it wasn’t true love. Unless the impossible materialized—the man who understood me without explanation, the man who was obsessed with me every minute and kept the same intensity about me always—well then it just wasn’t love, was it.
While time away from Disney movies eventually helped me let go of the mental image of the ideal woman, I unwittingly kept the desire for a Disney-like love for many years. The physical aspect was easier to disprove than the relationship one. I had tried repeatedly to improve my appearance, but I could see that no matter what I did, I would never even come close to looking like a Disney princess. Any guy I met, however, might just be the problem—maybe he’s not the right one. If he were, he’d understand me without explanation and fervently chase after me forever. He would be far more perfect than the guy standing in front of me. He wouldn’t have x or y flaw. He wouldn’t have flaws. Now I knew about sin, and I realized people are sinful. But the standard I held for a boyfriend or husband was perfection, and I didn’t even notice the contradiction.
While I didn’t think about this consciously, I can most definitely connect the dots back to where I learned that standard.
I have heard so many women tell a similar story.
Countless single women today are searching for their Prince Charming. Some of them verbalize this desire in precisely these terms. They pass up Christian men who are loving but not always captivating. They overlook kind men who are not extremely attractive. They set an impossible standard for relationships. Your future spouse won’t be a duplicate of Aladdin (thank God). He won’t see eye to eye with you on everything, or have the same passions all the time, or marvel at your beauty forever. He will be sinful, different, and sometimes odd. He will be selfish at times and difficult to live with at others. But does he fear God? Does he follow the Lord Jesus Christ? Does he love you fully and selflessly, even if he is a noticeable sinner? These are much more important questions to ask.
Searching for the right spouse requires us to do a deep dive into our subconscious and understand what we are searching for versus what we should be searching for.
That graciousness, compassion, and long-suffering that we hope others will show towards us — we should show those things towards potential spouses.
For single women waiting to find their true love, remember that there is only one person who will ever love you with unending passion, a singular focus, and an unwavering love, and that is Jesus Christ. So nurture your relationship with Him: the only one who will never leave you or forsake you. The one you can count on at all times, and in all places. Talk to Him and ask Him to give you a godly earthly partner who will help you as you pursue eternal things for years to come.
