These days in America, it’s quite common to hear people say they won’t give their kids much for Christmas. You can’t really blame them. Consumerism is a major issue, and parents don’t want spoiled children. Plus, many parents are tired of the financial strain of the holidays, and this approach helps ease that pressure. Consequently, the idea of having a minimalist Christmas has become increasingly popular. For many parents, it has turned into a kind of badge of righteousness, and you’ll often hear announcements like, “We aren’t buying our kids much this year, just a few things they need.” That’s usually the point at which others are expected to applaud and tell them how good that is—a Christmas where you give your child as little as you can get away with.
Christian parents often argue that this will keep their children from being spoiled and make them focus on what is truly important. So the idea is that by withholding good gifts, you will make your children really appreciate the birth of Jesus, and also their family.
I find this puzzling.
Mostly because it defies both logic and experience.
Experience shows that children grow up to be selfish, greedy, consumerist, and entitled because of everything permitted during their upbringing. The lack of discipline and attention towards their sinful inclinations is what creates selfish, greedy, and entitled brats. Brats are not made from one single day a year. If you notice your child being a brat on Christmas, then you should probably pay more attention during the rest of the year because chances are, they’re precisely the same way then, too.
Experience also shows that children view the world through the lens of childhood. They don’t see withholding gifts at Christmas that you could give but choose not to as virtuous. Instead, they see it as mean-spirited and resent it. This is not the same as being unable to afford nice things for your kids. You shouldn’t overspend in an attempt to make them happy—that would be foolish. Children can distinguish between being unable to do something and choosing not to do something. They’re not stupid; they’re just young. You can — and should — explain your budget in a general sense to them so they understand that, whatever size their Christmas is, it’s the best you can give them. That knowledge is important because it shows you are providing them with your very best, which is an expression of love. If you don’t agree with that, think about the Old Testament when people offered the first and best of their livestock and crops to God. Offering their very best was an expression of love and of the value they placed on God.
Growing up, my parents rarely bought me toys. Occasionally, if I did something like a major piano performance, then they would reward all those weeks and hours of preparation with a tiny gift. More often than not, though, toys or things I wanted came only on my birthday and mostly at Christmas.
My dad worked incredibly hard for his money. His father died when he was 16, and he worked his way up from nothing to being a partner at a major law firm. When we were young, he was still climbing the career ladder. Long hours, travel, and always being on call were par for the course. My mom did not spend money frivolously. Ever. She was careful about everything she bought, from food to clothing. She also never paid for repairs—she always fixed things herself to save money. Yet, at Christmas time—that beautiful, glorious day when we celebrated Christ’s birth—grace flowed freely. We had bountiful Christmases, with plenty of food and many gifts. Not big, expensive gifts they couldn’t afford, but thoughtful, loving ones. My mom wrapped everything from new toothbrushes to hair ties and everything inbetween. I would get so excited for Christmas that I’d feel sick beforehand, and I still get teased about that to this day.
My dad always told us growing up that this is how God treats us—lavishly bestowing his blessings on us freely—and that Christmas is our example of this. See how God gave you his son, Jesus? Do you understand what a gift that is? No? Well, look at the gifts you have and realize that they are only a faint representation of what God has given us in Christ. He gives us all things through him. He even grants us eternal life. This is just a foretaste of the joy you will experience one day in His kingdom.
That has stuck with me to this day.
As a child, did I focus on the presents? Yes. Did I rejoice in my good gifts? Yes, greatly. Did I also recognize that the purpose of the day was to celebrate Christ’s birth? Yes. How was I able to do all those things at once? Because my parents made that the point of the day. They taught me it.
I didn’t become spoiled just because of one day of lavish celebration and joy. I didn’t become greedy because of one day of abundant blessings. The way you raise your kids the other 364 days a year determines if they become greedy, nasty, or selfish. But on Christmas? You think withholding what you can give them on Christmas makes a better kid out of them? You’re trying to shortcut your job with an easy fix.
What if your child doesn’t fully understand your sacrifices to give them a “bountiful” Christmas within your budget?
Chances are, they will be grateful but probably won’t fully understand what it took for you to give them those gifts. Do you fully grasp all the blessings Christ gives you? Do you properly and fully thank God for every good gift you receive, truly expressing what it means to you each and every time? Probably not. Do you always remember to value those things the Lord has blessed you with? Take something as simple as your spouse. Your spouse is a gift from God. Do you value them each and every day, making sure to treat them well and as you ought?
Why do you expect more from your children than you do yourself? You take from God and are endlessly greedy. You are unappreciative and selfish of the mercies bestowed on you. Yet you want God to bless and be merciful to you anyway. How can you not extend the same grace to your own children? Giving them good things on this day is a tangible way to demonstrate, in a way they can understand, the excitement, the glory, and the joy found in God’s free gifts to us in Christ and in the world to come.
So celebrate and be glad, rejoice and be generous to your children, for our Father in heaven has been gracious and merciful to you.
