A baby screams. A child cries. A mother leans down, and a faint whispering is audible. She stands up and walks hurriedly out towards the back of the church, holding a heavy baby on her hip, her head hanging as if she is in shame, as she drags a disruptive toddler out the door with her other hand. The quiet returns to the church. A collective deep breath is taken. The pastor’s words come back into focus. Things have returned to normal. Things are how they should be. The mother doesn’t return. No one cares.
…Is this what we really want?
We look around at churches today, and many offer some form of childcare during the service. It’s one of the first things you’ll be told when you enter many churches, if you happen to have children with you. Some excited greeter will ask where you’re from, and the very next sentence will be how wonderful it is at this church because there is a place you can take your children.
Some churches even schedule their children’s Sunday school during the main service. The message is clear, even if unintended: children do not belong here with the rest of us. They are not considered part of this group. They should be separate. We offer them nothing of value in the service. Think of that! Nothing of value where God’s Word is read and preached, and the sacraments administered? A more sinister perspective could be that children provide nothing of value to us during the service. They are a hindrance, annoyance, or distraction and are best taken away. Although most church members would disagree with such a negative view of children, and although most of these same people believe that alternative options serve their parishioners well, this remains the fundamental message being conveyed to families.
Why are we doing this?
Of course, cry rooms are sometimes a necessity. A mother must soothe or feed her fussing newborn, or a toddler may have a behavior problem that must be addressed in private. We want our worship services to be respectful places of worship where people can focus on God’s Word. However, children cannot learn to be in the service if they do not practice doing so. And practice is not perfect. Practice is messy. This means that there will be noise at times. There will be bad days. There will be periods of fussing and crying. And yes, those things can be irritating disruptions. However, when that happens, we need to support our parents in staying in the service if possible, or in taking their children out only to calm them down or address a behavioral issue. We want our parents to train their children up in the way they should go, and part of that is learning how to behave during worship service. We do not want to teach parents that the response to this normal and necessary developmental process is simply permanent removal of children from God’s sanctuary. What a severe consequence when you think about it, to a little child for a process that must take place!
Church is the gathering of the family of believers who come together to receive God’s Word and His good gifts. The church is where everyone should be gathered together. Yes, even the toddler who is learning to sit still and the baby who can’t help but cry. When we put children into Sunday school during the service, or into childcare, we are not only denying them the experience of worshiping God in the sanctuary, but we are also teaching them that they do not belong there and also that they do not need to learn how to be a part of the body of Christ. We are teaching them that the service has nothing of value for them. We are acting as if God’s Word cannot reach them on its own, that it cannot effect change all by itself.
The only way for children to learn how to sit in the service (and to value and gain from the experience) is for parents to walk them through the growing pains of learning to do so. Since this process is not a smooth one, parents need encouragement. They need our support. We should reformat our churches so that families worship together, and we need to ensure that our ideas, classes, and policies all reflect a belief in the value of our children’s faith, their spiritual needs, and their future life as a believer.
“Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.’”[1]
[1] Matt 19:14.
